It’s always during this Holiday infested time of year that I start to miss having a weiner-laden sidekick. I drive a solid 5 hours back & forth most times & every once in a while wish I wasn’t shoving wildberry fritters into my mouth by myself. It’s much more fun to be fat with company.
Don’t get me wrong though, it’s not so much the couple-dom that I long for . . . I’m just trying to wipe the tears off of the faces of those who find out I’m nearly 30 and I don’t have a profile picture of me kissing my boyfriend. My bestie went to her family Christmas party & was asked if I was taken by a lover. When she replied a simple ‘no,’ I got an ‘awwww, poor girl!’
I made it a pressing goal to learn to be totally satisfied with & by myself before I attempted to start making dinners for boys again. And let’s be real, I’ve been having some mad fun while doing so. I get to have dance parties for 37 seconds or until I’m out of breath, whichever comes first – I get to eat leftover soup for at least 4 days without anyone asking why it’s grown a skin in the refrigerator – I can draw animals on the shower stall with my hair that’s fallen out in there – I can put up a mad amount of twinkle lights – I can wear my lisp-inducing retainer all night long.
I don’t know if it’ll be believable but I’ve had some overwhelmingly happy days as of late. It could be the fact that Uncle Kracker is no longer writing number ones or it could be that the mice have finally stopped shitting on everything I love, but hot damn I’ll take it. Since I’m drinking beer in bed I’ll probably wake up tomorrow having peed myself or my new flannel sheets, but still I’ll take it.
Since it was Christmas, that means it was also New Years. The one day of the year that it’s totally not creepy at all to just make out with the person standing next to you. Maybe I should start telling the beards that I’m from a different country & that whatever day it is is actually New Years Eve there & we celebrate with copious amounts of mac & cheese & a punch in the face (but after we make out first). I wasn’t around the dirty, sweaty cesspool of NYE though. Instead, I was sipping Prosecco with friends & family & when Dick Clark (I will not acknowledge his death) started the countdown I grabbed my big fat dog by the collar & forced him to let me kiss his slobbery face at midnight. It was probably the most hopeful kiss I’ve ever had.
So a New Year has started. I turn 30 in less than 2 months. I am going to make it my mission to get people to stop feeling sorry for people who maybe have to just rent movies on their xbox instead of actually going to one. Who wants to watch a movie with no clothes on?! Last year I wanted to start a blog & I did. And holy shit, I can’t even wait to find out what the next 3 . . . three hundred & some odd days bring up. Now, I have to go research foreign countries that are big on noodles & cheese so I can successfully test out my new lines.
-a damsel & her dog-
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